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i nearly gave up on this boy
i have been with for nine months
he is loud and thinks
hes funny and he laughs a lot and
does a good job in irgnoring me.

i nearly gave up on this boy
who has held me so many times
while i was too weak to do it
myself and although he did not like
saving me, he did

i nearly gave up on this boy
who cried bitter tears in my arms
in my heart and who needed me
so badly that he could barely breathe
when he thought of loneliness

and the moment he needed me
reminded me of you
and me
and our bitter tears
and i love you

i nearly gave up on this boy
i have been with for nine months
but i did not.
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maybe my
heart
has gone out
maybe i
have got no tears left
maybe i have
fallen out of love
but i dont care
i do not care
if anybody wants me back
i will not wait for them
i am done
waiting
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i think i am getting better
not in a way
i would be happier but
in a way
i notice my body is fighting
against the demons that have built this
wall that holds together
this girl who shares the same name
as i do
but i am fighting
i am struggeling to
actually be able to
be alone again

because as soon as
the doors close and my
friends are gone
my demons whisper
how they hate me
how they do not care about me
how my friends despise me
but maybe it is just me
that despises itsself